When the Counting Crows sang they fell accidentally in love, they were (accidentally) wrong. Turns out it is no accident at all. Falling in love is all on purpose. It is biologically driven, actually.
It's all a strategy
For some it may have already for a long while been used as a strategy to lure someone into "doing something" for you. For others this may come as a surprise. But it is just what it is: a strategy.
Unconscious, that is. The stage during which you fall in love with someone is the first step in the relationship: it is the foundation of a lifelong bond. You need to accept his sloppiness, or her continuous nagging, but you will never do that unless you fall in love. You need to be on top of your girly pinkish cloud and overlook all your significant other's flaws and quirks. And hopefully you'll invest sufficiently in your relationship so you feel like there is no way out.
So, when you finally start to see beyond the façade, you've already been trapped. You decide to stay anyway, as you were already there and what point to leave now?
That is just what Mother Nature needs. For us to stay together and start reproducing.
The exhilaration and the euphoria common when being in love are aroused by dopamine inside our brains. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that controls reward and pleasure inside our brain, and it regulates our emotional responses. Whenever you fall in love there is a release of dopamine, which makes you feel so happysappy about your would-be-lover.
Furthermore, the hormone oxytocin is what is needed to build long-term relationships, as it is kind of a bonding hormone. At the time this hormone "kicks in", the dopamine level is normalized, and this may explain why the feeling of being in love is reduced after a certain time of being together. Changing in love to loving.
So, instead of the widely held belief love is located in the heart, it turns out to be all part of the brain's game.
Like it was already mentioned before, we need to fall in love to overlook the other's flaws and stick together in a lifelong relationship. And this is beneficial in every way: the man knows the child is his, the woman knows the child will be protected.
Because, in the end to pass on our genes is all we need to do. All we should want. Of course it never were that simple. Still it is what evolutionary psychology insists. We stay together because we need to repoduce, we need to create the next generation, we need them to grow up and be strong. It is all part of evolution: those who are strongest, smartest, whatever-est will be able to stay alive and pass on their genes. Those were the ones that stuck together and held a warm and protective family. And in order to achieve this, we need to fall in love and forgo each others malformations.
In "our" earlier days we were not that monogamous, but eventually we started to learn we were better off when we bonded. The father for safety, the mother for nurturing, it turned out to be the perfect mix. So that is when relationships came to be. And falling in love was needed.
As one great man once said: "Where there is love there is life." True story.
So, when you finally start to see beyond the façade, you've already been trapped. You decide to stay anyway, as you were already there and what point to leave now?
That is just what Mother Nature needs. For us to stay together and start reproducing.
Follow your... brain
Not only it is based on biology, it even gets better. All songs and sayings advising you to follow your heart got it wrong. It is not this big muscles that is controlling your feelings. It is your brain.The exhilaration and the euphoria common when being in love are aroused by dopamine inside our brains. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that controls reward and pleasure inside our brain, and it regulates our emotional responses. Whenever you fall in love there is a release of dopamine, which makes you feel so happysappy about your would-be-lover.
Furthermore, the hormone oxytocin is what is needed to build long-term relationships, as it is kind of a bonding hormone. At the time this hormone "kicks in", the dopamine level is normalized, and this may explain why the feeling of being in love is reduced after a certain time of being together. Changing in love to loving.
So, instead of the widely held belief love is located in the heart, it turns out to be all part of the brain's game.
Even Fred and Wilma knew it
However, for what reason?Like it was already mentioned before, we need to fall in love to overlook the other's flaws and stick together in a lifelong relationship. And this is beneficial in every way: the man knows the child is his, the woman knows the child will be protected.
Because, in the end to pass on our genes is all we need to do. All we should want. Of course it never were that simple. Still it is what evolutionary psychology insists. We stay together because we need to repoduce, we need to create the next generation, we need them to grow up and be strong. It is all part of evolution: those who are strongest, smartest, whatever-est will be able to stay alive and pass on their genes. Those were the ones that stuck together and held a warm and protective family. And in order to achieve this, we need to fall in love and forgo each others malformations.
In "our" earlier days we were not that monogamous, but eventually we started to learn we were better off when we bonded. The father for safety, the mother for nurturing, it turned out to be the perfect mix. So that is when relationships came to be. And falling in love was needed.
As one great man once said: "Where there is love there is life." True story.
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